Straight From The Mind of Callie

Trust. It's a pretty serious word. Tons of baggage involved. But is it really supposed to be that way??

Curiosity struck and I looked it up. Dictionary.com defines trust as "reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence." I wanted to see if the Dictionary's described trust in the same way I do. Lately I have been second guessing my trust and not really sure who and what to trust. I've always been one to give my trust away easy.. but once it was broken.. that was it. At least that's what I tried to do. But there are times when I fight with the part of me that says "everyone deserves a second chance." And then of course, I have been known to give in.

But lately I have been forced to question myself. to re-evaluate my life, to make sure that I do what is right for all involved. Not that this is anything out of the ordinary for me.. but its like I'm being shown, in different ways, that its time to check all sides of something more then once rather than settling for the first thing that comes my way or the easiest way out.

On a different note - I have decided it's time for me to get a new vehicle. We are selling my car (96 Buick Regal Custom - seats 6 - 186k miles) for $3000. We are gonna use the money we get from it to go get a 3 row SUV or a van. We need a larger vehicle - there are 5 of us.. and we can never take anyone with us in our vehicle because there is never any room! LoL If you know of anyone that's interested.. get in touch with me!!

Think positive. Think Positive. Think Positive.

That's what I keep trying to tell myself today. I finally got through to the college and they told me the results of my financial aid appeal should be posted online by 4pm today. So keep your fingers crossed for me. I really hope it goes through. The last semester I attended I did soo poorly because of everything that was going on, and how far behind I fell. I am determined to finsish college though and ready to make some damn good money! =]

My mothers day went pretty good. I had breakfast with the family and my hellian children. LoL! We all had a good time. Then I spent the day with the kiddos while Paul got to work on his truck (since he had to work on my car Friday and Saturday). Then Paul and the kiddo's took me out to dinner last night. We had a good time! =] It's soo hard to believe how fast my youngins are growing up. I remember my first mothers day and how Richard was just over 3 months old. Now.. he's picking and ordering his own food. And Austin eats the same things we do - with no argument.. and all by himself. It absolutely amazing!!

Austin has started talking a little bit more now. We are working on the whole potty training task with him. He did excellent the first night. I put him in underwear for 5 hours, and he only pee'd once. He went on the potty twice. Of course, I had to take him.. he is still fascinated with the fact that he can watch the bubbles in the toilet.. LoL! And now my little porker is counting to 9!! Can you believe it?

Richard is extremely excited and anxious for Friday to get here. His class is going on a trip to Sea World - so we are going to have a blast! And he has been talking non-stop about Kindergarden as well. I cannot believe my baby is growing up soo fast!!

Joesph is doing amazing with writing his name! He tries soo hard, bless his heart, to write his name on his own without you writing it first and gets mad when he can't. I try to keep his spirits up and tell him he's doing a great job because he is. When you write it for him.. and then he copies it onto his side of the paper.... he does an amazing job. He is such a smart lil' cookie!

I'll probably be on later, to add some more to this post.. but until then.. tootle-lou!

I know. Awful right? I can't help it. I try and try to make things work out for me. I am always thinking positively and telling others they need to do so. I bust my butt to make sure that everyone around me is as happy as they deserve to be. But when do I get the chance? Why can I not be as happy as I want to be? Why is my life destined to be crap? I have a man who loves me, 3 amazing children, an awesome family, and amazing friends. I have never been arrested, never killed anyone (although trust me.. if it wasn't illegal or immoral.. lord help 'em). I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, and I very rarely drink. Supposedly God has a plan laid out for all of us, and everything is supposed to happen for a reason. Well I'm starting to think maybe God hates me and sold my soul to the Devil or something. It just seems like nothing works out for me in a good way. One thing after another continues to go wrong. And it's not just minor things anymore.. lately it seems like all the bigger stuff is going wrong.

I know it's awful to say, and in my heart I know its real. But at times I wonder if there really is a God. And if there is... what I ever did to deserve all the crap he's putting me through? Why am I forced to cry myself to sleep everynight wondering when things will get better. Why am I the one to continuously get screwed over?

God. If you're out there, and you're listening. Give me a break. Show me a sign. I'm at my wits end, and I don't know where to turn from here.

I'm feelin kinda blah today. Not really sure why. I guess it's because I just don't seem to have any luck when it comes to getting back in the groove of school.

Ever since my grandfather died in 1997, I have always wanted to be a Nurse so that I could help others. I think helping my grandfather throughout that time really made me realize that I have a nack for helping others. The only reason I haven't pursued schooling for it is because I am scared of having to give shots and making a mistake that could cost someones life. The older I get though, the more I realize that you risk that same kind of thing maybe just in a different aspect. So I'm doing it. I enrolled back in school, and am fighting with the Financial Aid office to try and get myself moving again. Now that the boys are older, it will be 100% easier to devote a lot more time into my studies. The fact that I have the continuous support from my husband is a major help too. He's all for me pursing my dreams and wants to see my achieve them, just as I do with him. Unfortunately Paul's first attempt at the State EMT exam did not go over so well. He is going to take it again within the next 3 weeks - and I am almost positive that he will ace it this time. He has really been studying hard, and is more confident this time around.

I started working on Mother's Day presents this week. Paul took me to Michaels to get some things that I needed on Saturday. In my opinion.. a homemade gift is soo much more personal than something bought or ordered from the store. And it's something that will last a lifetime, unlike flowers, or candy. Ya know? I'm working on something special, taking my skills up to the next level on these. Next Monday I am finally attending my first Stampin' Up Party.. and I'm siked! Stamping is something I have wanted to learn for a very long time. My son's best friend at school's mother is the hostess of the party and we get along great. So I'm sure I will have an awesome time!

Welp - I am off to do the whole Laundry, Clorox, & Bleach thing.. ya know.. the cleaning job that is oh soo fun! Haha!!