Sick of trying...  

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Yea, that's pretty much how I feel right now.

Whenever I have had a issue with someone because they have done me wrong somehow, with time I let it go and try to work to an even level with that person. But anymore, I feel like I'm the only one trying. And in return...

I get treated like dirt.

Lied to.

Made out to be a bad person.

Or accused of starting drama.

But let me ask you this. Trying to clear the table.. work through your issues, and come to an even level.... is starting drama? Jesus! Why didn't anyone tell me that year's ago?

I've just honestly had it. You know, I even repeatedly try being friends with my son's father and no matter how much effort I put into it... it never works. It's like there's this wall, with a little door, and the only thing/person that can fit through that door, is my son.

I guess I have just hit my limit. Some things will never change. And I guess God puts those problems into a friendship because you're not supposed to be friends with them. Excuse me for trying, I guess. But that won't be me anymore. The way I look at it now is... fuck you if you don't like me. I don't care. I have my few close friends that I trust and confide in... and then I have my family. And those friends and family support me regardless of the decisions or actions I may make or take.

I am just going to keep my head up high and focus on the future. If you are part of my past, and we have issues.. unless you make the attempt... that's the way it's going to stay. You would think I would have learned the first time. But silly me... I was raised to forgive and forget and that's what I try to do. I haven't quite gotten the "forget" part down yet though.. and probably never will. But hey... I'm half way there... why can't stupid people just be nice and take care of the other half?!?! Grrr!!!!

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by Callie | 0 comments


Threw with the Bullshit.. My line has been crossed..  

Friday, September 14, 2007

WARNING:
Tons of foul language. Sorry!!
You know, normally I am pretty good at controlling my temper.


Yes, I get mad.

Yes, I am a bitch.

Yes, I have arguments.

Yes, I am a very outspoken person at times.

BUT it takes a lot for me to get mad enough to say something. I can usually just hold it inside for the time being, and eventually it will just fade away. This time I can't though. And rather than go find the piece of shit and punch them in their face, I am just going to vent here. Knockin their ass out will only give me temporarily relief, then I'd be sittin in jail and no one is worth that mess.

For those of you that I talk to on a regular basis, you already know that I am struggling right now with Rick's attitude and listening skills. *Sigh* I try to have as much patience as possible with him, because he's four, and all kids at this age go through the same thing. It's just a process that all parents have to go through at some point or another. Yes, my son may be a little more outspoken and express it more... but hell... what can you expect from a child who's mother and father aren't together living in the same house?! I knew it was going to be a little rougher with him because of that, and it's something I have dealt with.

Is my child a hellian? He can be. But he's a 4 year old little boy.

Is my child an Angel? He can be. At times I just want to cuddle him all day because he's soo damn precious.

Grrr. Ok... so what's bothering me is the fact that some piece of shit is running their mouth about my child being "out of control", "having no discipline", and telling people to make sure if their kids are around Rick to "not behave like him".

My response to this? FUCK YOU!!!!

My son is not "out of control". He's just wild at times. Because I allow him to do so. Do I give him too much lee-way sometimes? Probably... but I want my son to enjoy his childhood. Is he to blame for this? Hell no.

As far as discipline goes, yes he does. Do I let the discipline go sometimes? Yes, I do. Do I sometimes threated discipline and then make no action? Yes, I do. He's a child. You cannot spend their whole life grouding them.

And as far as people telling their children to "not behave like Rick"... is a bunch of bullshit. My son is not a bad child... by any means. He's a typical 4 year old little boy who gets out of hand sometime. Watch Super Nanny for cripes sake... what the hell do you think gives her a job?!!? My son is very well behaved when he is in the care of others, but when he's with his parents... he knows his limits, and he constantly pushes them. And as much as it may irritate me when he's bad, I would rather him be bad with me than show his ass when he's with someone else.

Ok... now that this one's off my chest.. Here's one more.

I love my husband. Unconditionally. Yes he can be a pain in the ass... what man can't? For 4 years people have tried to talk all kinds of shit about him to me, bring up shit from the past, etc. Like they are trying to turn me against him or something. As a heads up... it's not going to work. So give it up already!!!

I feel a little better now. I just hate drama, and hate shit talkers, etc. They drive me nukkin futts!! =[

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by Callie | 0 comments


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