Sick of trying...  

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Yea, that's pretty much how I feel right now.

Whenever I have had a issue with someone because they have done me wrong somehow, with time I let it go and try to work to an even level with that person. But anymore, I feel like I'm the only one trying. And in return...

I get treated like dirt.

Lied to.

Made out to be a bad person.

Or accused of starting drama.

But let me ask you this. Trying to clear the table.. work through your issues, and come to an even level.... is starting drama? Jesus! Why didn't anyone tell me that year's ago?

I've just honestly had it. You know, I even repeatedly try being friends with my son's father and no matter how much effort I put into it... it never works. It's like there's this wall, with a little door, and the only thing/person that can fit through that door, is my son.

I guess I have just hit my limit. Some things will never change. And I guess God puts those problems into a friendship because you're not supposed to be friends with them. Excuse me for trying, I guess. But that won't be me anymore. The way I look at it now is... fuck you if you don't like me. I don't care. I have my few close friends that I trust and confide in... and then I have my family. And those friends and family support me regardless of the decisions or actions I may make or take.

I am just going to keep my head up high and focus on the future. If you are part of my past, and we have issues.. unless you make the attempt... that's the way it's going to stay. You would think I would have learned the first time. But silly me... I was raised to forgive and forget and that's what I try to do. I haven't quite gotten the "forget" part down yet though.. and probably never will. But hey... I'm half way there... why can't stupid people just be nice and take care of the other half?!?!
Grrr!!!!

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